Wouldn’t it be nice?

It has been over a month since I last posted here.  I am much better. I feel like me again.

I have left that old job behind, and it was like something snapped. This coincided with me going back to university, to my university, which is a place I absolutely love (nerd alert). I have started my PhD, and boy, I have a long, long journey ahead.

Today I am happy, but wistful. Very wistful. I find myself listening, singing and humming to Wouldn’t It Be Nice, by the Beach Boys, over and over and over again.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we were older, and we wouldn’t have to wait so long…

I constantly talk to The Hubby about how our lives are just starting.  I am 24, and he is 27. I have just started a PhD and he is working and studying so hard for his career. We have so much ahead of us. So much to do. so much to live. I am excited about all this.

But sometimes I get wistful. I think to myself, wouldn’t it be nice if we were older, and we wouldn’t have to wait so long to have careers, to be able to afford ballet and football tickets, to be able to help our parents.

To have less of our current worries, and to have a whole new set of worries.

To have a family.

And wouldn’t it be nice to live together, in the kind of world where we belong…

Our friends are light-years ahead of us. Or so it seems sometimes. They earn much more, don’t need to pay for an expensive education, can afford mortgages, expensively huge weddings, and they are planning on having children soon.

We can’t have any of that. Not yet anyway.

We made different choices about our lives, and we are both working hard to achieve our dreams. But wouldn’t it be nice if we were already there? We could then have new dreams.

I think about the kind of world where we belong, our future careers, home and family.

Maybe if we think, and wish, and hope, and pray, it might come true..

I have recently found out I have a condition that renders me, shall we say, less fertile than the average woman. But our future has children in it. We have always wanted to adopt. It was one of the first things we talked about.

Our future home will be small, cramped and messy. But it will be happy, warm and full of love. Our kids may be tripping over their toys and books, sleeping on top of each other and there may only be frozen soup for dinner (I am a terrible cook). But we will all be together.

You know it seems the more we talk about it, it only makes it worse to live without it.

But let’s talk about it.

I guess everyone gets like this sometimes, it is not so much mindless ‘what ifs’, but hopeful, happy dreams for the future.

One day, hopefully we will get there. And the present is also happy.We  are finally getting married in a few months, I have started my PhD,  The Hubby is also progr. Everything feels like steps in our journey.

But sometimes, it would be nice to be already there, Wouldn’t it?

 


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7 thoughts on “Wouldn’t it be nice?

  1. Love this!
    It would be nice to be already there indeed, but you would also miss so many good moments! Like your wedding, the moment you get the job of your life, which will make you happy and make ballet tickets affordable… or, of course, the moment when you adopt a child. Don’t you think it will be magical?
    xxx

  2. I say enjoy the drive ” there “. When you talk and think about it with positive mindset, you are molding your future and reality better and better each day. Your friends have different paths, yours is not theirs. And even then, when you get ” there “, you find your eyes are already set forward. And isn´t that just glorious! In this life, I´ve learned, there is always something to expect, it´s almost as if you were creating tomorrows of this world by your own expectations.
    For now, enjoy your upcoming wedding, the beginning of your marriage and the calm years before kids set in ( trust me, your sanity will need to remember these days as well ) and then when your family expands there is also that to enjoy about. In life there ( now looking back in retrospective ) is almost like these segments of. Segment of dancing day in, day out. Segment to travel the world and meet people. Segment of working your arse off. Segment of family life. Segment when your offspring starts school and workforce talks to your louder again. Etc.
    And there is magic in all of them.

    Good to have you back!

  3. I get the exact same feeling sometimes, even though I’m at a completely different place than you in my life. It’s a period of great change for me, going to university next fall, and sometimes it gets stressful and exhausting and I just want to be *there* already, like you said. But I try to remember to enjoy my life right now, because it’ll be gone soon, or not gone but vastly different. But I guess the fact that I’m having the same feelings about a completely different stage of life says a lot about how it’s all about your attitude, not necessarily your current situation…

  4. this is a beautiful post.
    i just had my birthday and i always worry about getting older, and not having achieved enough and where my future is going ect ect,
    this post makes me thinnk perhaps i should be looking at it with a different outlook

  5. i understand. i want to just enjoy being young but at the same time i wish my husband and i had a little more stability, enough to start a family. maybe even buy a house. but, oh, well. : )

  6. Sounds like you have made some good choices that have put you on a path that is right for YOU right now. Congrats on ditching the job and high five for starting the PhD. I went back for a PhD as a nontraditional student (after working for a time) and it was a wonderful experience…and one that I wouldn’t have done as well at or enjoyed as much if I had done it right out of undergrad. I hope you find it to be a rich experience and take time to relish everything that comes with it! Like you, I love the university environment 🙂

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